pdbis
8:05 Sat Jul 1
Re: things yer dad used to say!
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Don't come running to me if you break your leg.
If you don't eat your dinner you won't get any pudding.
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South Bank Exile
7:14 Sat Jul 1
Re: things yer dad used to say!
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- Gertcha.
- Fiddlesticks.
- Well I'll go up our front room (his response to being surprised by something).
- The bloke couldn't manage a whelk stall.
Another trait was to call all children in the family by alternative names, e.g., the name of my niece was Gayle but he called her Elsie. My son was called Herbert even if his name was Mark. The kids all accepted this from my Dad, even when they had grown up,, but not from anyone else.
He was from Southwark. Should have been Millwall but for some reason never explained, his side of the family all supported Tottenham. I never held it against him.
He passed away in 1993. I still miss him a lot.
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chim chim cha boo
6:27 Sat Jul 1
Re: things yer dad used to say!
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'If brains was dynamite you wouldn't have enough to blow your hat off'.
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The Kronic
2:30 Sat Jul 1
Re: things yer dad used to say!
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Never worry about anything which is out of your hands.
Never get married until you're at least 50.
Never seriously date a woman with tattoos/piercings.
He's so damn negative.
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Too Much Too Young
2:12 Sat Jul 1
Re: things yer dad used to say!
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If it flies, floats or fucks, you're better off renting then owning it.
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Rio or Anton or Les
10:49 Sat Jul 1
Re: things yer dad used to say!
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Fucking love Danny Babylon!
That made me laugh!
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wanstead_hammer
10:34 Sat Jul 1
Re: things yer dad used to say!
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He was a good coddie
Fucking ada
He pummelled the pair of em.
I'm a bit browned off
He's out the Green.
Where you bin, up Buck and Hickmans? (after getting me barnet cut).
Talks a load of old tosh/flannel.
A Guinness and a good belly laugh, that'll keep ya going.
Yer mum finds good in everyone, she thinks Jack the Ripper was misunderstood.
Take some o'that shrapnel.
"You'll have to give him/her a rent book in a minute" (to someone holding a queue up)
Nothing worse than yer choppers playing you up.
"And he's the local vicar" (when someones rearing up/rowing)
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chim chim cha boo
7:29 Sat Jul 1
Re: things yer dad used to say!
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My old man lived in Canning Town when I used to ride a motorbike limo for Virgin taking the rich and famous around. I used to pop in for a cup of tea after taking some rich fucker to the Jet Centre at London City Airport.
'Hello boy, what are you doing round here then?'
'I had to take the boss of Cantor Fitsgerald (or whoever) to his private jet at City Airport'.
'Yeah? Did he tip ya'?
'No dad. People like that don't carry money around with them'.
'Tight cunt'. *goes back to watching telly*
We must have had that conversation 50 times. It didn't matter who the person was. All he wanted to know was if I got tipped or not.
I'm absolutely sure if I'd said 'I took the Pope to London City Airport' he would have been judged a 'tight cunt' by my old man.
He also used to get every West Ham player's name wrong. He wasn't too keen on Marvin Harwood or Danny Babylon.
Me and my brother once taught him to say 'surround sound' by telling him it was 'sound around'. Whenever he said 'surround sound' we'd say 'dad, it's fucking SOUND AROUND'.
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Swiss.
5:42 Fri Jun 30
Re: things yer dad used to say!
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"Son your bloody Porche is blocking the triple garage again and I'm getting fed up wth your super model girlfriends calling around at 3am in the morning"
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Trevor B
11:13 Fri Jun 30
Re: things yer dad used to say!
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I've forgotten more about **insert chosen subject** than you'll ever know.
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Far East Hammer
11:08 Fri Jun 30
Re: things yer dad used to say!
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My Dad is thankfully still alive. But yesterday afternoon i got an unexpected telephone call from his mobile number - and given the timing of the call (he'll rarely if ever call me when he suspects I'm at work), I was convinced before answering that it was his missus calling me to say he'd died overnight or was in hospital with a Priest en route to give him last rites (he's already had last rites performed several times).
Fortunately he laughed when I heard his voice and without thinking I said "fucking hell, it's you! I thought it was going to be Maria telling me you'd just fucking snuffed it".
Anyway, got me in the mood for this thread:
whenever I'd complain about something, he;d retort "that's the way the cookie crumbles" - which used to wind me up, especially due to its American tinge
(his growing up in Africa I think meant he had exposure to at least as much US culture as UK culture, especially at the cinema)
then other sayings basically stemmed from English being at best his 3rd language, which could result in funnily reversed idioms, such as: "you're putting the horse before the cart"
I think there were also some literal translations (word for word) from Italian or Greek into English, which had fallen by the wayside long before i made secondary school, as he realised they'd just produce blank stares all around
But generally, whenever he was driving and someone tried to cut him up, didn't move fast enough, or what have you, we'd be treated to full-on swearing in Arabic. Often I never knew (and still don't exactly know) what each phrase actually means (besides the relatively mild "y'allah akhi!") but I do know that I shouldn't use them when berating my computer when in a Muslim country!
In recent years (say last 25 years) he's probably taken to saying "that stupid fucking cunt" even more regularly than me
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w4hammer
1:59 Wed Jun 28
Re: things yer dad used to say!
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>I've got a leatherbound book on what you aint
____
classic Dad-speak ;-)
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Yarmouth
1:55 Wed Jun 28
Re: things yer dad used to say!
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On the same subject, when I work on the missus doughnut trailer (a whole story on its own..) and sell a cuppa to somebody and they say how much I tell them '30 bob pse' - most of the younger generation and a good few of the older haven't a clue what that means, including the missus and she's 48 ffs.
I'm 60 in October, does this mean I'm over the hill..?
Fill your boots lol
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Yarmouth
1:47 Wed Jun 28
Re: things yer dad used to say!
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'Don't piss down my back and tell me it's raining'
Always made me chuckle, bless his heart. x
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ted fenton
4:43 Tue Jun 27
Re: things yer dad used to say!
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What do you want son Fireworks or new west Ham kit ?
West Ham kit please Dad !!!
Always ended up with both :-)
Lovely Man.
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Troy McClure
4:23 Tue Jun 27
Re: things yer dad used to say!
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When I say something he thinks is irrelevant...
Whats that got to do with the price of fish in Grimsby on a wet Tuesday afternoon?
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Troy McClure
4:15 Tue Jun 27
Re: things yer dad used to say!
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Loads from the old man...
I'd rather shit in my hands and clap
Smell it? I'm sitting in it
You make a better door than a window (when I'm stood in front of the telly)
I'd slap you good looking but I don't have the days
Well I'll go to the foot of our stairs
(When the doorbell goes) If its the invisible man, tell him I cant see him
(if I say "Dad, have you got-)
> I've got 2 pound of dripping and a bag of salt (or something like that!)
>I've got a picture of Lord Roberts
>I've got a leatherbound book on what you aint
>I've got a feathered cap with a rip in it
(he's got loads of these infuriatingly irrelevant replies)
Appreciate some of these are not original - But they are things Dad says!
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alan devonshire
4:14 Tue Jun 27
Re: things yer dad used to say!
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on seeing anyone with bandy legs
he/she wouldn't stop a pig in a passage
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,
3:14 Tue Jun 27
Re: things yer dad used to say!
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"One day son, mark my words, people will be taking breaks specifically for their dogs".
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Crassus
2:53 Tue Jun 27
Re: things yer dad used to say!
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Upon sighted a fatty
Blimey, if he/she fell over they would rock thereself to sleep
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diddly
10:16 Tue Jun 27
Re: things yer dad used to say!
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About well-built ladies:
you'd have to knock her down first ....
You wouldn't want to go 3 rounds with that
the TV:
get up and switch that over will ya
isn't there a western on the other side?
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